No Saint Jennifer

Learning to Love Myself

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A chronicle of love and shame.

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Fan of hundred dollar bills
BLOG

I Love Money!

by nosaintjenniferupdated on September 26, 2019September 26, 20192 Comments on I Love Money!

Yet I still struggle with my belief that I’m not supposed to have it. So I returned to the source – Jesus and the Buddha to find out what they really had to teach me.

Woman floating in secret cove
BLOG

Trust Me. I’ve Got You.

by nosaintjenniferupdated on September 19, 2019September 19, 2019Leave a Comment on Trust Me. I’ve Got You.

In teaching my nephew to swim, he would often struggle no matter how much I told him to lay back and trust me. I do the same in my life. But each time I trust the voice inside I find myself floating.

Water lily as a symbol of faith
BLOG

Faith: It’s a Choice.

by nosaintjenniferupdated on September 12, 2019September 11, 20191 Comment on Faith: It’s a Choice.

Having faith does not mean having all the answers. I need only to keep aiming toward the divine and trusting in what feels right, even when it doesn’t make sense, even when it seems contrary to how I thought I was “supposed” to live, and even when it’s scary because I can’t see what’s ahead.

Various colored hands grasping together
BLOG

Bringing the Truth of My Hurt To Light

by nosaintjenniferupdated on September 3, 2019September 3, 2019Leave a Comment on Bringing the Truth of My Hurt To Light

My confession is not that I feel shame about being “white,” which I do, because that’s pretty normal in my social circle. Rather, it relates to my hurt when I’m called a racist.

Contemplating one's place in the universe
BLOG

Grieving and Contemplating Suicide

by nosaintjenniferupdated on August 26, 2019August 26, 20198 Comments on Grieving and Contemplating Suicide

Suicide will not be prevented by trivializing posts telling people they are loved and with hotline numbers. Here’s my experience both as someone who has loved those who have taken their lives and as someone who’s considered it.

Dog thief
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Chasing Thieves

by nosaintjenniferupdated on August 22, 2019August 22, 2019Leave a Comment on Chasing Thieves

Within a month I caught two thieves and followed them both. One got away. One I talked to and bought him lunch. I learned from them to listen to my gut and be who I am not who I think I’m supposed to be.

The ritual of writing thank you cards
BLOG

Thank You Cards as a Ritual of Remembrance

by nosaintjenniferupdated on August 14, 2019August 14, 2019Leave a Comment on Thank You Cards as a Ritual of Remembrance

I often put off thank you cards as a burden, but discovered as I wrote them following my brother’s death, they acted as a ritual to release grief by evoking memories of him and friends who loved us.

Sprialing down the hole of shame
BLOG

The Cure for a “Shame Hangover”

by nosaintjenniferupdated on August 12, 2019August 8, 20194 Comments on The Cure for a “Shame Hangover”

How I stop feeling bad about just being me.

Train tracks straight ahead
BLOG

Stay Calm and Carry On

by nosaintjenniferupdated on October 31, 2019August 6, 20191 Comment on Stay Calm and Carry On

Especially during grief, when the path ahead looks uncertain, stay the course already set. Choices will become clear when they need to be.

Bouquet of orange and purple irises
BLOG

Discovering Freedom in Learning to Draw and Paint

by nosaintjenniferupdated on August 6, 2019August 6, 20194 Comments on Discovering Freedom in Learning to Draw and Paint

Learning to paint and draw helped me to learn to take more risks, surrender the idea that the illusion of control will improve the outcome, and in experimenting I reach the most exciting outcomes.

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